Santa – Weird, Creepy and just plain WTF?!

Yeah… I know this is NOT getting any reading done… or baking and housework, which is what I had planned to do today… BUT!  I just had to share :-D

Everyone, in the western world to be sure, has had their picture taken with Santa.  Most of us have had our kids -and dogs and cats, even- on The Big Man’s lap for a snapshot, as well.  While most of them turn out fair to middlin, occasionally The Man in Red has a bad photo moment.

Also… No doubt there will be many happy, colorful and pretty pics posted on blogs and the internet at large wishing Merry Christmas to all.  Ummmm…. I don’t know if you know this but, *whispers* I’m not normal.  Yeah, shocker, I know… so I googled around for the um, overlooked and underviewed holiday pictures. *evil grin*

First off, I have to share a wonderful blog that I stumbled upon in my googled search for “creepy Santa” images.  Sketchy Santas has a treasure trove of Santa pics ranging from quizically odd to WTF?!

I could NOT stop laughing at this pic of Jazz Hands Santa.  I found it at Sketchy Santa, and it has the highest number of comments, many of which are as funny as the picture itself.  I mean, SERIOUSLY!  How does one explain this?  The teenage boy looks as if he has his pants down around his ankles, but at least his shorts match Santa’s suit.  WHY, oh gawd why, is he holding a SAX?  It begs the “And one time, at band camp…” line to be said without thought when you look at the pic.  And WHERE is Santa’s OTHER hand?

Santa looks like he’s enjoying himself, too. 

I don’t know if this was a case of teen boys having too much time on their hands and deciding to have fun at the expense of a mall Santa, or if he lost a bet… Maybe he won the bet?  Who knows, but it’s got to be the funniest Santa Pic ever.

Here are a few other Not-Quite-Right Santa Pics for your perusal and enjoyment:

They're all cryingEven Santa’s crying!

 fake santa or fake baby I’m not sure which is creepier… The Santa or the baby! They both look fake.

 Santa PeepersWhat’s up with Santa’s eyes? Did one of them kick him in his jingle balls? 

You know… I just don’t know what to say about this one.  It looks like he’s making faces at the little boy.  Or telling him he’s going to sneek into his house on Christmas eve and steal all his bottles and toys if he keeps on crying.

Maybe he’s making the face because the kid has a stinky diaper?

IDK… Could you imagine having this in your baby book for your first Christmas?

*shivers*

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hungover Santa

I wasn’t sure WHAT to make of this photo, until I saw this pic

 ho for blow

hohoho… Hello, Little Girl… Would you like some candy?  MMmm… just sit right here on your special Santa’s lap.  Don’t worry, that IS just a candy cane in my pocket, but I’m also very, very happy to see you *creepy grin*

Makes you wonder about the Santa in your own mall, doesn’t it?

LOL.. I’m sure this one’s not a pedophile and all, but the pic is wrong in soooo many ways.  The way he’s holding her shoulders.  The way he’s leaning into her.  The way she’s sideways and looks like she’d want nothing more than to be a billion miles away from Mr. Creepy with the beard.

The look on his face doesn’t help, either… it’s like he’s beein waiting his whole life for this moment to happen and he can hardly contain himself… lol.  Definitely a “Bad Santa Pic”

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OMG!  The look on the little boy’s face is PRICELESS!  Granted, Santa’s creepy, but the veins are popping out on the toddler’s forehead even!  Oh, he was scarred for life, I’m sure!  And the sister looks like it’s just the funniest thing ever!  It could be a pic out of my OWN childhood… lol.

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The Burger King King is coping with the recession by moonlighting as a mall Santa!  Who knew!

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And a few NON-Traditional Santa pictures… some creepy, some funny

Grinch Kitty

Santa's Trial 

 

Santa's deadBurn Santa BURN!

Madonna and Santa Baby

Santa Bum

Santa versus a 747

Evil Santa

Zombie Santa

Have You been Naughty?

And a couple videos for fun.  The music in them are fun, too :-)

and the ending of this next one was a bit of a surprise.  I called the kids in to watch it, and they hadn’t ever seen the clip, so evidently it’s not a US one.

Hope you haven’t been NAUGHTY.. lol… and Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

Festivus – I’m Ripping It Off, and I Don’t Even Know What It Is!

Trish at  Hey Lady! Whatcha Readin’? has written a post called Festivus – Let’s Air Our Grievances in which she wrote down a few (and good) things that have ired her this season and invited readers to do the same.  Her point is that, at this time of year with the holidays (aw, hell.. It’s CHRISTMAS, dammit… enough with the PC crap) upon us, only fellow bloggers are reading blog posts right now.  Because of that whole “you can do it and not get caught” thing that we all enjoy, Trish encourages her readers to be emboldened and relish the joy of being naughty… no one’s lookin’ :-D

That reminds me of a joke:

Sign placed above a bowl of fruit in the lunch line of a Catholic school:  “Take ONE… God is watching”

A few food items down the way, above the platter of chocolate chip cookies, a sign written in a child’s scrawl says, “Take all you want!  God’s watchin the apples”

As for me, I’ve been so busy trying to reach my self imposed goal of 75 books (I’m almost there!) that I’ll be taking the time during Bloggiesta to write the reviews for the last seven books, as well as sign up for all the challenges and everything else.  I’m looking forward to the New Year, so I can slow down!

So, Trish started her post with the following:

Last year, because blog traffic is slow around the holidays, I celebrated Festivus, which kicks off with the Airing of Grievances. Since only other bloggers are reading blogs around this time of year (’cause we’re crazy like that), it makes sense that we should get some things off our chest! Vent! Proclaim what is wrong with the world (or our families), so that we can start the new year with a clean slate ready for new frustrations.

I had way to much fun in her comment section, and decided to take time away from my Glenn Beck book (couldn’t tell that’s who I was reading, could ya) to write up my own post.  I felt like I could go on sooo much longer, but didn’t want to hijack her post any more than I already did, so here goes…

Things that really PISS me off…

1.  People who want to tell you that you’re a narrow-minded religious fascist for saying “Merry Christmas”.  “Happy Holidays” has slowly become the more widely used phrase because -God forbid.. or goddess, Allah, the moon… The leprechaun in that Lucky Charms commercial (Hell, there’s weirder religions than worshipping a god who’s Magically Delicious)- we offend someone with our well-wishing.  I admit it, I used the “Happy Holidays”, too, because.. to be honest… I’m too lazy to say “Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year”.  Two words are more verbally economic than eight.  But the next person who says “Happy Holidays” to me, I SWEAR I’m gonna wish them “Magically Delicious winter festivities”.  It’s Christmas.  Merry or Happy… it’s Christmas. 

Oh, and Mr. Athiest-seperation-of-church-and-state-boy… It hasn’t been a “Christian” holiday… ever.  It’s a pagan holiday.  The Catholic Church hijacked the day from the Romans who wished to celebrate Saturnalia, a weird calendar event in which the last 5 days were left uncounted and therefore the thought was “Anything goes because the days never happened!”  It was a time for them to blow off steam, have orgies… there wasn’t any “rape” during this time, because if one person wanted it they could take it.. and a lot of other behaviors we would call unlawful at the very least.  The fact that the celebration of the birth of Christ was superimposed upon this hedonistic festival is probably a good thing.  But, to be honest, as much as the modern Church tries to remind people that “Jesus is the reason for the season”, the long line at Wal-Mart this evening proves that they gave Jesus and his other hispanic friends the day off so they can follow their true pursuit of the season… gifts.

2.  This year I have just about had ENOUGH of Maggie’s griping about the present Gwen gave her.  Seriously, I’m almost ready to say No more presents will be given under my roof EVER AGAIN!  TO anyone BY anyone.  And that includes Christmas, Kwanzaa (If we ever convert and celebrate it), Chanukah (ditto the previous stipulation), Chinese New Year (again, conversion needed first, I think), Sinterklaas, Birthdays, Boss’s Day (Bruce Springsteen’s birthday?), Arbor Day, Groundhog’s Day, Bring Your Kid to Work Day, or any day of the week ending in the letter Y.  What’s led me to this level of irritation?  Gwen, who apparently has bad taste in presents, gave Maggie a plastic Kabuki-esque doll because Mags collects China dolls.  Now, in Gwen’s mind, she thought they were similar enough to count, and thought Maggie would love it.  Maggie, on the other hand, thinks it’s the most hideous piece of crap that ever suffered molecular cohesion. 

Maggie's Doll  face  back

In fairness, the thing IS a bit ugly.  But, isn’t it the thought that counts?  Gwen could’ve just got something for herself, but she saw this doll and thought, “My little sister would love that!”  And Maggie was NOT gracious in her reception.  At all.  When people are not gracious about receiving, when they act like they’re ENTITLED to something better than the trash one deigns to give them, it makes those who give feel disinclined to do so ever again. *sigh*  It’s becoming a take-take-take, gimme NOW, society.

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3.  Okay, I’ve got a grievance with the whole PC-crap.  It has, of late, been made obvious (not that I wasn’t aware before) by my ten-year-old daughter how absurdly ridiculous all the Political Correctness crap is.   You know, I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t be a bit more considerate of others and think before we speak, Proverbs (sorry athiest-boy) tells up that a wise person keeps his mouth shut lest people think he’s an idiot but the fool suffers verbal diarrhea and removes all doubt (Koolaid paraphrase).  But the PC movement has become nothing more than censorship and terrorism committed by a few LOUD-MOUTH (see Koolaid’s paraphrase.. they’ve removed all doubt) bullies who want everyone to do things their way or suffer the consequences.  ‘K… I’m short, fat and starting to crest that hill.. not over it yet, but getting to the summit…  I don’t expect someone to say I’m a “gravitationally challenged post-youth of an alternative size”.  What the hell is up with that?  I’m fat because I like to eat.  A lot.  Gravity isn’t singling me and throwing down the gauntlet.

LOL.. my dad always said “The purpose of communication is to convey a thought from one person to another in the fastest and most accurate way possible.”  The PC-crap, instead of sponsoring understanding and acceptance (I presume to hope was their original intent), does more to breed discontent, distrust and resentment.  “Why should I talk to you?  I might say something to offend your stupid sorry ass and wind up in court, lose my job and become the social pariah of my community!”  Ah, can’t we all just get along?

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4.  Along the same lines are those people who fling hate-filled words at people who happened to disagree with them.  If I don’t want my 15-year-old daughter hanging out with a loose-moralled, already a mother, now decided to be gay classmate who continually sexually harasses her and makes her uncomfortable, it’s NOT because I’m a homophobic religious prude.  Oh, I forgot “hatemonger”.  The girl WON’T leave Gwen alone, after she’s told her she’s not interested.  She continues to touch and make rude comments to her, but if I say something about this, I’m a bigot.  If this girl was a guy, EVERYTHING… EVERY THING… would be different.  The police would investigate, he’d be in jail, and several administrators would be sent to a “sensitivity training seminar”.  The fact it’s an Out-of-the-closet, vocal lesbian means that my daughter must suffer her attacks.  Bull shit.

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5.  I tell you, one of the things I think is great about our country is that everyone is entitled to DUE PROCESS.  A chance to go before a jury of his or her peers and face his or her accuser in a court of law.  And, if you are wronged, you have the right to seek compensation for your injuries.  HOWEVER… there are a few bad apples that have latched onto the system and have gone completely and certifiably NUTS.  Everyone remembers, I’m sure, the woman who went through the drive thru at McDonald’s and ordered a HOT coffee… repeat, she asked for a HOT, as in warmer than tepid, HOT coffee.  She put her HOT, as asked for HOT, coffee between her legs and then spilled the HOT contents on her foofer.  She then decided it was McDonald’s fault and she was owed $2.86 million dollars for her scorched hoohah.  In the end, she only received $640,000 for her injuries and NOW every foam cup you get from any restaurant bears the “CAUTION: Contents may be HOT!” just in case some other dumb ass decides to take their morning joe BOTTOMS UP.

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Ahh… this has been a LOT of fun.  I have to say, I feel a lot better now after venting… not to mention all the laughing I’ve done finding and watching the videos.  And to the question of “What is Festivus?” The following clip from Seinfeld sums it up…

Okay…  Who’s gonna RUMBLE with me in the FEATS of Strength?

Viral Video Wednesday – It’s Spoof-a-licious!

Okay, so last week’s VVW seemed to be terribly depressing and invoked pity, so I thought I’d spoof it up this week. Who needs to be depressed this close to Christmas? Isn’t it hard enough already?

So I went a-huntin’ for some spoofs and parodies of popular movies…

First off, in honor of my finishing the Twilight series, I found a funny… stupid, yes… corny and goofy, definately… spoof using scenes from Twilight. As it is a parody, it has it’s own story line… include WHAT exactly the Cullens eat and why James was really after Bella. Hair ya go!

Now, if you’ve seen the movie “Bolt,” I’m sure you picked up on the fact that the Pigeons were reminiscent of television gangsters… particularly Goodfellas. The following parody brings the two movies EVEN closer.

One of my all-time favorite movies as a teenager, and one of the defining movies of the 80s, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” was an inspiration and an example to all slackers and ditchers everywhere. And now it’s been taken and folded into the 21st century concious. The following is a spoofed trailer for Dawn of the Bueller.

Star Wars meets organic foods in: The Grocery Store Wars!

We’ve just watched the newest Batman movie, “The Dark Knight,” my favorite parts were the Joker parts. The following is a mash-up of The Night Before Christmas and Batman… unfortunately, no Joker parts…

And I think that video is a perfect one to end on. Merry Christmas!

So, what’s your favorite spoofs and parodies? Post them in your comment, or… EVEN BETTER… blog yours and link back in the comments :-D

and don’t forget to enter for your chance to win a $25, $15. $10, and $5 gift card to your choice of Borders, Amazon, or Barnes & Nobles. Click the link in the “Wanna Be a Winner?” widget in the sidebar for details!

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