Title: Tan Lines
Author: J. J. Salem
Hardcover: 306 pages
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press
Publish Date: July 8, 2008
ISBN: 9780312374150
Normally, I like to start my reviews with a quote from the book. However, I think you’ll enjoy this video of Tan Lines’ first line the good people of St. Martins press has posted over at YouTube.
So with a first line like that, you’d think this book would definitely be a fun and steamy summer read, right?
Well, it’s definitely steamy. If you took all the sex out of it, Tan Lineswould probably be whittled down from the 306 pages to 220. AND, if you took out the drinking and doping, you’d be further reduced to about 190 pages (it would have been even less, but some of the drinking and doping is mixed in with the sex). Then, if you took out all the who’s wearing what designers clothes, shoes and undies… Undies, for cry-yi-yi! One line says Kellyanne stripped down to her La Perlas, I thought it was some new slang for being naked. Turns out La Perla is designer underwear… So taking out all fashion apparel text, it’s down to about 165 pages. Now, take out the name dropping, the “Kelly Ripa was at the table next to them” and “Mathew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker was leaving as they were going in”, and the book would be cut down to about 158 pages.
With almost half of the original text cut, what is left? One hell of a story, to be honest. It could almost be a joke, or a Reality TV series: What happens when you take Hillary Clinton, Courtney Love, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck to the Hamptons to share the same house for the summer? That is kinda-sorta the premise of Tan Lines.
Of course that’s not enough to make a book, J. J. Salem (who is a guy by-the-by) adds Liza’s stalker, Kellyanne’s cruelly possessive sugar daddy, a closet party-guy neocon who’s hanging from the chandeliers on coked out benders with Billie while being engaged to a frosty-queen old money deb, Liza’s shiftless leach of a fireman husband who Liza believes is cheating (what’s really going on with his is a complete blindside), and several other characters hear and there that wouldn’t be a stretch to see killing one, or all, of the three.
Revealing that one, or all, of the characters will die is not a spoiler, by the way, because the prologue says: “…the way those girls had been in the beginning, before everything had gone so wrong.” and that the condo owner is remodelling because “she could not look at those ghastly bloodstains one more day.”
Reviewing Tan Lines, for me, is an exercise in schitzoprhenic writing. On the one hand, I could seriously done without all the sex. Really. I learned things reading this book I had never heard of before, and I scored 36.6% on the purity test! Booty bumps and bleached bungholes were completely new concepts to me. After a while, Tan Lines’ sexual content had the same effect as the nude tribesmen in the National Geographic specials -after 20 minutes, you stop seeing their nakedness. Also, I really could have lived without all the drinking and drugs. AND I don’t care that much about fashion and designers.
But, on the other hand, I thought Salem’s writing is quite effective, his plot development compelling, and the twists and turns he throws in completely disarming. He is an exceptional storyteller, and his characters are very human -even if most are the dregs of society.
The ending was quite a surprise. For one, it was beautifully happy and fair. Second, it was inevitable. and Third, it was all of a sudden and shocking… and I just didn’t get why it couldn’t have been the rock star! It sucks, and it wasn’t fair.
There are some really wonderfully sweet scenes, as well. Liza’s blossoming relationship with her arch nemesis and Kellyanne’s realization that she’s more valuable than being some nasty old man’s sperm receptacle. When it comes to Billie, unfortunately the only epiphanies had are those of the people around her deciding she’s a lost cause and they’re better off exorcising her from their lives.
I would definitely say this book is an X rated book, but not erotica. It’s graphic and explicit, full of foul language, alcohol, and drugs… even forced sex on a couple occasions. It is NOT the book for the Christian Women’s book club. I probably wouldn’t even recommend Tan Lines to me. But I would have to say it’s a great read, very compelling, and sticks with you for a while… for better or worse.
Overall, I’m giving Tan Lines 4/5 stars.
Filed under: Book Reviews, Uncategorized | Tagged: 9/11, acting, alcohol, artist, beautiful, booty bump, coke, drugs, feminism, frenemies, gay, homosexuality, J. J. Salem, murder, neocon, partying, politics, prostitution, rape, rock, self-esteem, selfishness, sex, sugar daddy, Tan Lines | 5 Comments »
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Author: Ray Bradbury
Paperback: 191 pages
Date published: 1953
Publisher: Del Rey (div of Random House)
ISBN: 9780345342966
Miscellaneous: This book was first published in 1953, and has since won the National Book Award and the Prometheus Hall of Fame Award. The copy I have is a 50th anniversary edition, and has an interview with Bradbury in the back of the book.
–Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, pages 58-60 (emphasis added)
In the first line of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, Guy Montag tells us, “It was a pleasure to burn.” Guy is a fireman who loves setting fires and watching things undergo change via the flames. He aims his firehose and sprays the kerosene over the contents of a house and lights the match. A permanent smile is plastered to his face from the hundreds and hundreds of fires he’s set over the ten years he has spent in service to his city. Life for Montag is good and makes sense.
Then a series of events occur that rocks his world. He meets Clarisse McClellen, who is “seventeen and crazy” as she says. She’s been labeled “anti-social” for asking “why?” instead of “how?” and for wanting to connect to people instead of merely co-existing with them. She likes to go on hikes and collect butterflies, and is forced to see a psychiatrist for such odd behaviours. Clarisse’s innocent questions and simple, romantic views on life awakens some long-comotosed awareness in Montag’ssoul. With the question, “Are you happy?” Guy is forced to re-evaluate himself and the world around him. His wife attempts suicide, then goes on pretending it had happened and, in fact, refusing to believe Guy.
The crisis moment for Montag happens when he’s at a house to burn and the older woman chooses to set herself on fire with her books, rather than leaving them. He is forced to question whether it is morally right to destroy something of such value that people are willing to die for them. And if such an act is wrong, what can he, MUST he, do about it?
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Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradburywill have to go on my top 10 list… just not sure which book to bump for it. First off, I love dystopic books, it’s probably my favorite genre. My definition of Dytopia is: Someone’s Utopia is another’s HELL. Second, Fahrenheit 451 speaks to the time it was written, but also has something to say to future generations of readers. It’s a cautionary tale of a possible future, barely imaginable when he wrote it nearly 60 years ago, and frighteningly close to life today. And as I read this, I couldn’t help but feel we did not listen to the warning.
For instance, when Bradbury wrote Fahrenheit 451, wallscreen and battery operated televisions weren’t around. Black and white television itself was in its infancy, but the love of Mrs. Montag’s life is her parlor wallscreens that allow her to be surrounded by her “family”, virtually live and in color. A device allows the people on the shows to insert her name and even look like they’re saying it. A device called a Seashell is worn in the ear, and allows a person to hear music, without disturbing those around them, and Mildred Montagwears hers so often that she’s become a proficient lip-reader. I immediately thought of MP3 players… Sam wears hers so much that she had a meltdown the other day when I told her she couldn’t take it to church with her.
Truly, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury was prophetic. The society found in within the pages of the book bear a lot of similarities with our culture today. Disconnected from one another, they/we go about with our devices in our ears (Seashell, MP3 player, cell phone, etc) and no longer take the time for conversations with our neighbors and others we meet in passing, and if we do happen to “chat,” it’s shallower than a pie pan.
They/we are so afraid of offending others that the thought police (Firemen or Political Correctness) have made it socially unacceptable, and in some cases criminal, to express ourselves, even monitoring our own self-talk. Free speech? HA! Congress is doing everything they can to eliminate that little inconvenience.
They/we are so obsessed with instant gratification that they/we no longer want to take the time to think about what they/we read, to let it distill in our souls. So books are flatter and more “pastepudding,” as Bradbury calls it, and the average person is no longer able to read and comprehend a newspaper article… not that they actually have the patience to read a whole one, just the headline and first paragraph, then onto the funnies (and even they are getting too long). Supermarket tabloids, Harlequin romance novels, car and sports magazines are the only books found in some homes, and to be “intelligent” is to be reviled.
I don’t say this often, if I’ve ever said it at all, but Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury is a MUST READ. It should be taught in schools and read every year. Oddly enough, this book was actually challenged as part of a school curriculum… A parent wanted to ban a book that is a warning against book banning! How ironic.
Obviously, I give Fahrenheit 451 5 out of 5 stars. READ IT!
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Filed under: Book Reviews | Tagged: 20th century, American, American classic, banned book, Beatty, big screen TV, book banning, book burning, Books, cautionary tale, censorship, cigarette smoking, Clarisse McClellen, critical thinking, dysfunctional, dystopia, dystopic, Faber, fiction, future, Guy Montag, hedonism, interactive television, Little Black Sambo, lung cancer, minorities, MP3 player, P.C., phoenix, Politically Correct, politics, prophetic, salamander, scary but true, sci-fi classic, Science Fiction, social commentary, society, special interests, speculative, thinking, thought police, tobacco, Uncle Tom's Cabin, warning, World War | 5 Comments »