Friday Fill-Ins ~ If We Get Dee-vorced, Is We Still Cousins?

Graphic courtesy of Tonya!

And…here we go!

1. She had a great uncle who was married to his half-cousin who was the daughter of her uncle who was the brother of her mother until they were divorced, and now the entrance to the family reunions are guarded by a metal detector.

2. My left hip is by my side, always.

3. I know this: Shellacked moose turds are NOT my idea earring and necklace pendants (They really sell them in Alaska, my sister showed me some).

4. I got up to go to the bathroom, stopped to check if the Friday Fill-Ins were up yet, and I have to pee still.

5. These words apply to me: inca, dinka, doo and nee… but I turn down their application because they make absolutely no sense.

6. The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might: He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright– and this was odd, because it was the middle of the night.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to going to the library and watching Inkheart, Sammi getting leaving to spend July with her dad, me going to Maggie’s VBS program, finishing Water for Elephants and writing the review, tomorrow my plans include taking Mags and Gwen out to lunch and finishing reading Something Beyond Greatness and Sunday, I want to go to church (we missed last week) and vegging out in front of the TV… or doing what our Pastor always says, “Fellowshipin’ with Pastor Pillow and Sister Sheets… can I get an ‘Amen!’ 😀 “!

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Wait, How Did You Find Me?!

Okay, I had so much fun doing the last search results post, That Brought You Here?!? That I wanted to do another.

When I was scrolling down my stats page, one of the search terms caught my eye, and I wondered if enough time had passed to post another.  It’s been over a week so… YuP! 😀  Here goes.  The search terms are in bold, btw.

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bad effects of eating your boogers ~ Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea… yeah!

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spray cheese ~ on cracker… eat immediately.

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sex with sleeping doll ~ I believe this is illegal, and you knowChatty Cathy’s watching and’ll tell everyone…

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william shakespeare (dr. faustus) ~ Dr. Faustus, meet William Shakespeare 🙂

compare anne frank to the book thief! ~ NO! I don’t wanna!

           

invention of “invisible shirt”~ Yeah, I’m selling them out of my invisible store, and they come with an invisible receipt. I guarantee all eyes will be on you when you wear the matching invisible pants. I’ll sell both to you and throw in a pair of invisible Nikes all for a visible $20 bill. 😀

gary larsen plant comics~ Personally, I plant vegetables and herbs, maybe a few annuals, but hey… to each his own. I wonder if any of his comics have been famous? Tom Arnold must of been a bad year for the old winyard, eh?

isabel ice custard ~ It’s the movie version of Custard the Dragon. When Isabel, Ink, Wink, Mustard and Custard are flying over the Andes on their way to a rugby match, the plane crashes and they are forced to do the unthinkable to survive. Custard kept crying for his nice safe cage, until Isabel couldn’t take it anymore and turned him into Dragon tartar.

half-blood prince’s comments on love pot ~ He said, “Dude… DUDE… duuuuuude…. ya gotta try this pot…. one long drag and you like… totally love everyone. *puff.. puff… blow* DuuUuuuUuDe! I love you, man!”

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Then there are a few Vampire ones:

where can i read vampire kisses blood~ Anywhere you want, dawg, as long as you buy something every couple hours so the don’t think you’re loitering, home slice.

cheap: vampire kisses: blood relatives ~ This would be the Redneck family reunion slash speed dating slash wedding version.

read vampire kisses vol 2 free ~ Dude… it’s called the LIBRARY.  If that’s not free enough for you, I don’t know what to tell ya.  Get the audio book?  Except it’s a manga book.  Have someone read it for you, then transfer the memory into your brain…  It’d probably have horrible side-effects, and you’d probably grow a tail and develop a tic, but it’d be free.

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And… of course… there are all of the BOOGER searches, some of which made me swallow my tongue…

is it dangerous to eat your boogers?  Yes, that’s why you look left, then right, then left again before taking a nibble… oh, wait, that’s crossing the street.

how to eat boogers ~ Now… mind you, I’m no expert on this, but it seems fairly straight forward…  freshly picked, breaded and deep-fried and served with marinara sauce, right?

cure smelly boogers ~ Dude!  Stop sniffing your gym shoes!  Get some Odor-Eaters or something!

im 18 and still eat boogers, and 20 years old and eats boogers why~ Seriously, an even better question is WHY did GOOGLE think I knew the answers?!

throw poo ~ okay… here you go…

What are some of the weird search terms that have led people to your blog? Or what’s the oddest search you’ve ever done?

Why You Shouldn’t Eat Your Boogers – Factoid #5

Alright… no bugs, parasites or cannibalism today… Today’s factoid is something straight out of science fiction.

Can a head live without a body?

In 1988, the U.S. government granted a patent for a device that would keep a severed head alive after being surgically removed from the body. The device has never been used, so it is uncertain how effective it would be. However, the creator of the device has been contacted by a number of people who want to know how soon the operation will be available and how much it will cost. Some of these people are dying or paralyzed, and many of them say that they would welcome the operation, if it meant that their minds would remain clear and they could still think, see, read, remember, talk, and listen.

The proposed procedure would involve attaching the decapitated head to a device essentially consisting of a series of plastic tubes. These tubes would be connected to the bottom of the head and neck and would provide oxygen and fluids, as well as maintaining blood circulation, to keep the head alive.

In 1973, an American brain surgeon called Dr. Robert White carried out the world’s first head transplant, using two monkeys. He decapitated both animals and successfully managed to stitch the head of one monkey onto the body of the other. The “hybrid” monkey regained consciousness, opened its eyes, and tried to bite a surgeon who put a finger in its mouth. It also ate, and it could follow people around the room with its eyes. However, the monkey was paralyzed from the neck down because its spinal cord had been severed, and it was impossible for the surgeons to reconnect the numerous nerves necessary for it to regain any bodily movement. The monkey survived for about seven days after the transplant.

White claimed that this surgery could benefit parapalegics, who may die as a result of the long-term medical complications that often accompany extensice paralysis. He believed that if these people were to receive new bodies, donated by patiens who were brain dead but otherwise physically healthy, it would give them a new chance of life, even though they would remain parapalegic.

There are some really strange video out there that demonstrate the mind-bending ability the brain has to survive. One video shows a dog’s head revived and responding to stimulus. The monkey vid’s on out there, as well, but the one I saw on YouTube had one of those “scream scenes” in it so be careful.

When I read this segment, my mind immediately went to Sarah Jessica Parker’s head on the body of her character’s pet chihauhau in Tim Burton’s Mars Attacks! (great movie if you haven’t seen it)

This post is part of the Boogers and Book Bucks Giveaway. Don’t forget to enter at the original post for your official entry. Comments here count as a bonus entry 😀

Why You Shouldn’t Eat Your Boogers -Factoid #2

When Ol’ Blue Eyes sang, ” Ive got you under my skin”, I am sure he was NOT talking about this:

However, this little critter is the subject of today’s factoid.

Do bugs live in eyelashes?

Most people don’t like the idea that bugs can live on their skin and hair. However, the truth is that many bugs do, and they live with us in harmony, most of the time. By the time we reach late adulthood, most of us have wiggly, microscopic, wormlike mites called demodex mites living in the roots of our eyelashes. If you pull out one of your eyelashes and examine it under a strong magnifying glass, or better, a microscope, there is a good chance you will see one of these tiny mites clinging to the base of the lash. They can also live in our skin pores and the hair follicles on our face, such as the eyebrows.

These mites are cigar shaped, a third of a millimeter (a tiny fraction of an inch) long, and have eight stubby little legs situated at the front of their long, so they waddle along fairly slowly. When one of these mites reaches a hair, it burrows headfirst down into the follicle. Their bodies are layered with scales, which help to anchor them into the follicle, and their needlelike mouths eat dead skin and oil that is produced by the skin. Fortunately, although the mites eat, they don’t actually poo in the follicles.

An individual female can lay a number of eggs in a single follicle. When mature, the mites leave the follicle, mate, and find a new follicle into which they lay their eggs. Each mite can live for several weeks, and mites can be transferred between humans if two people’s hair, eyebrows, or the sebacceous glands on their noses come into close contact.

Mites living on our eyelashes are usually quite harmless, and most people are totally unaware of the little squatters living in their hair follicles. However, if too many accumulate in a single hair follicle, they can cause itching, certain skin disorders, or an eyelash to fall out. As many as twenty-five eyelash mites have been found huddled together in a single follicle! There are some great pictures of these mites in a variety of poses on the Internet.

Okay, now I’m itching like crazy!

This post is part of the Boogers and Book Bucks Giveaway. Don’t forget to enter at the original post for your official entry. Comments here count as a bonus entry 😀

Viral Video – Burger King Bath

Would you like fries with your shake? A soda with your cheeseburger? Some TOE JAM on your Caesar Salad? Say WHAT?!?

As I was watching the 11 o’clock news last night… and again this morning…. and, AGAIN a few minutes ago (other than the Olympics, this seems to be the hottest news going), I was exposed to a sight even I, weird as I am, would have never thought of.

When you retire, some places give you a gold watch (didn’t make the baddie in SPEED happy, he used his to blow up the bus), others give you a clock and a party (my mom got that when she retired from Delco), and some lucky few get a hefty check as a way of saying, “Thanks for all you’ve done” (or, don’t let the door hit’ya where the good Lord split’ya!). I guess the thing to do when leaving Burger King is to take a bath in the sink.

It seems “Mr. Unstable”, as he calls himself, had been thinking about bathing in the dish sink for two months before taking the plunge. Apparently, the stunt was part of his birthday celebration.. some people have cake and presents, others get drunk, but only a select few get a spa treatment in a restaurant sink! I wonder if that “sanitizer” is a good exfoliate…

Scrubbing himself with utensils, he continues his bath even after a manager is informed. The manager simply shook her head and continued counting the cash. When Burger King corporate found out, all those involved, or uninvolved as in the case of the manager, were fired, all the utensils were thrown out, and the sink was sanitized… twice. As an added precaution, all remaining employees were retrained in safe food handling. I can just here the new training video: Always wash your hands whenever you touch your face, and NEVER take a bath in the utility sink.

Okay, HONESTLY, after I’m done laughing like a hyena, this video is disgusting. But not in the way you think, they’ve sanitized everything and my BK is safe. What makes this video disgusting is that someone thought to film the stunt, the manager thought little to nothing of it (would she have been just as indifferent if he was spitting on the sandwiches. a far more likely occurrence), and that we live in a day and age this stupid prank is a national news article that trumps wars, starvation and human suffering. Yeah, it’s weird. Yeah, it’s gross… I wouldn’t wash my dishes in the bathtub. But is it more shocking than the child molesting police officer (local news, here) or what’s happening between Georgia and Russia.

Another thing that makes this gross is: If this hadn’t been video-ed and posted on MySpace, the health inspector and Burger King would have never found out. Everything would have gone on as normal. Yuck! And I’m sure they used those utensils and sink the next morning… They didn’t throw them out and double-bleach the sink until AFTER the video was shown to the corporate and civil authorities.

Eastwood Mailman made the point that this shouldn’t be a shock; these are the very people we trust to make our food in a healthy and sanitary way. And I have to agree with him. I worked in fast food, like most teens, and I KNOW things that happened. That patty that fell on the floor is only dirty if someone sees, or those fries can be redipped to count as the “fresh fries” you asked for, and I KNOW not everyone washes their hands on backline after wiping a booger off their nose… not to mention, GAWD KNOWS where that booger landed!

Man, Weezer should have waited a little bit longer!  So… Who wants a Whopper for supper?

Why You Shouldn’t Eat Your Boogers -Factoid

What’s an Elizabethan cure for wrinkles?

PUPPY PEE!!!

In Elizabethan times, some women applied puppy urine to their faces, as they believed it would help to improve the health of their skin and give them a radiant complexion.  The wife of the famous diarist Samuel Pepys used puppy urine on her skin, but he didn’t record whether or not it had an effect!

This post is part of the Boogers and Book Bucks Giveaway.  Don’t forget to enter at the original post for your official entry.  Comments here count as a bonus entry 😀

So tell me, how far would you go for beauty?  What’s the nastiest thing you’d put on your skin?

Boogers and Book Bucks Giveaway!

Don't Eat That Booger!

Do bugs live in your eyelashes?

What does human flesh taste like?

Can you really catch a cold by standing in the rain?

How do astronauts POO in space?

What foods can cure a hangover?

Why is yawning contagious?

Is eating BOOGERS bad for you?

These and many other questions are answered in this 228 page book of useless and GROSS information about your body. Did you know the human skin of an executed criminal was used to bind the book that contained the facts of his crimes, trial and execution? Or, and this one is Maggie’s personal favorite, that 80% of household dust is made of the dead skin cells we shed continually?

Shock your friends with bodily facts. Be the life of the party when you tell of furniture made from human body parts. Surprise your doctor at your next physical with knowledge even he doesn’t know!

Now you can win your very own copy of Why You Shouldn’t Eat Your Boogers and Other Gross or Useless Information About Your Body by Frances Gould.

But WAIT! That’s not all! Not only will you win this fascinating book, but you’ll also get a $10 gift card for Borders! That’s a $13 book and a $10 card, for a total of a prize value of $23!

To enter:

1. Leave a comment here for your official entry. If your name ain’t here, you ain’t in it! (I save the entries here for contact info)

2. Blog it for an extra 5 entries.

3. Each day I will be posting an interesting factoid from the book. Leave a comment on those post for an additional entry.

Contest ends at 11:59 pm on Saturday, August 23rd and the winner will be announced in my Sunday Salon post. 😀 (Winner will be picked using Research Randomizer)

GOOD LUCK!

How Weird Is That?

I am a big fan of words.  I love to read,  I love to write, and I love discovering where words and phrases come from how different people in different places use different words to describe the same thing.

This post was inspired by a question in my Friday Fill-In.  If I were a condiment, what would I be… I knew a lot of people would say ketchup or salt or pepper, so I reached back inside my brain to think of the weirdest, most off-the-wall thing I could answer and got “cheese doodle”.  What’s cheese doodle?  It’s that canned cheese people buy to spray on their crackers.

Now, I’m probably the only person to call it “cheese doodle”.  I googled “cheese doodle” and the majority of people seem to think this is a “cheese doodle”.   But I call that a cheesy poof, as in “Eric, you want some CHEESY POOFS?

But that got me thinking, what other words to I use to call things that are completely weird and different?

I’m very unusual were I live in that I call this soda. Most people around here call it “coke” or “pop”. Only 13% of the people in Indiana call it “soda. Click here to see what people call it where you live (US).

Also, I have several terms that were part of my family-language such as:
cat shit , and must turd which I always put on my weener , and for breakfast I like to eat dog nuts .

Sometimes I like to eat baloney, or boney for short, and sometimes I eat buh-log-nah, but all three taste the same. And if I really want to get fancy, I eat baloney salad. Marsh deli calls it “Sandwich Spread”.

Some oddities of language I picked up from friends, such as Ponda-gross-a and Taco Hell .

 

Moving to a small town, what I once called “Wal-mart”, has suddenly become THE Wal-mart, like it is the pinnacle of the retail world. Others around here call it Wally World, as if shopping there is a day of fun and adventure. I’m sorry, but navigating a wobbly cart through too-narrow aisles to pick over picked-over stuff, getting my heal ran over by some unruly brat whose mom can only say one phrase, “No! Stop that!” and getting stuck behind some 105 year old with a posture that causes question marks to turn green with envy is not my idea of FUN! and ADVENTURE! God forbid you go in on the 3rd of the month! That’s when the crazy money comes from the Social Security and the group homes and the looney bin have their field trips to Wally World. Oh! what FUN! what ADVENTURE! those days are.

Other quirks of language people often chuckle about are:
If something honks me off, I’ll say, “That just burns my biscuits!” I’m forever “lawning my mow”, cooking soup in a bucket , and my computer is on my table (not my actual computer table) My kids get an extra chuckle out of my “bucket” and “table” mistakes.

 

Being a Hoosier and being naturally weird anyway, there’s lots more bizarre phraseology in my repertoire, but it’s late and I’m tired. I think I’ll hit the hay, but before I do I’m gonna go get a glass of Kool-Aid.

 
By the way, this is my Kool-Aid: